Pain Killers Big and Small
by princ3ssf33t
Summary: It was not a pleasant morning for Riza. Between the childish behavior of here co-workers, her puppy's midnight adventures, and the migraine she was fighting, she wanted nothing more than to rest. But her morning didn't appear to be over yet. Not if the Elric brother's have anything to say.


Riza Hawkeye had not had a good morning. It all had begun a full two hours earlier than normal because Black Hayate, her new puppy, had decided that it would be a good idea to vomit on her living room furniture instead of the hardwood floor. She would have even settled for the rug, it would have been far less difficult to clean, but once Hayate picked a place, he wasn't moving.

Then after spending her morning cleaning that up, she had arrived at the office at her normal time, to find that the overhaul had finally hit their department and there four more stacks of paperwork to do than usual. And when the rest of the men showed up, they were of no help, distracted by the military exercises that were beginning within the next week.

She attempted to work through the chaos of the office, but the increase of noise, extra paperwork, the colonel's blatant boasting about his 'dates' and even less sleep than when she stayed late to finish the colonel's paperwork added up, and she was fighting a migraine by ten in the morning. A mere two hours after she had arrived at work.

After excusing herself, she had made a beeline for the infirmary to obtain some painkillers to attempt to knock the migraine back to manageable levels so she could finish out the rest of the scheduled work day.

She was on her way back to the office when a metallic voice caught her attention.

"I don't know brother. This seems like a bad idea."

"Quiet Al, it's a brilliant idea. It's for sure going to knock Colonel Bastard down a peg or two. That guy deserves to be humiliated a little more often in life," Edward responded. "Now hand me that balloon. I think I hear this voice."

Riza's eyebrows creased and moved toward the door the voices had come from behind. As she walked closer, she prayed that they weren't doing anything that could result in too much trouble, she had enough to deal with already.

The door was slightly ajar and Riza pushed it open and walked in without a second thought. The creak of the door combined with the sound of her boots against the wood floor alerted the Elric brothers that someone was behind them. They spun around, wide-eyed at being caught, and shoved their hands, and whatever was in them behind their backs.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye!? What are you doing here? Where's the colonel?" Edward looked frantically behind her for the man she always seemed to shadow.

Riza ignored Ed's questions.

"Show me what's behind your back," she ordered. Her arms folded across her chest as she waited for them to comply.

Hesitantly, both boys pulled their hands from behind their backs to show water balloons. Each balloon was filled to capacity. Ed held two while Al had six more in his giant hands.

"Am I correct in assuming that the intended target for these balloons would be Colonel Mustang?" Riza's voice had taken the same sternness as when she was attempting to bring the rest of the team in line again. It had so far failed on the adults, but perhaps it would be better suited for the children.

Ed hung his head and lowered the balloons until they were resting at his side.

Riza walked farther into the room and looked over the railing that looked over the main lobby. Most of the soldiers were off to the side if they hung around the lobby. This was due to the large boxes that were being carted in for the exercises later.

"Were you just going to drop the balloons over the edge? Without knowing who was coming? You could have hit anyone." Riza was sure to keep her voice stern, but the wheels were turning in her head as she formulated a plan.

"Yes ma'am. Brother thought he would be able to distinguish the colonel's voice and pinpoint where to drop the water balloon from that." If Al had the capability to, Riza was sure the young boy would be blushing furiously at being caught as a part of his brother's scheme.

Riza looked over her shoulder at the two boys and watched as they shuffled from foot to foot as they awaited their punishment. Each had the decency to look ashamed, although it may be for actually being caught prior to committing their act than coming up with the idea in the first place.

"Perhaps," she said, pausing to ensure that she captured their attentions before continuing, "I could be persuaded to lure the colonel into the proper position in exchange for some compensation."

Ed and Al looked at each other, and Ed's face slowly split into a wide shit-eating grin that was almost reminiscent of his target. Ed looked at Riza pure enjoyment on his face.

"What did you have in mind?" He asked. At this point, he would have happily done anything she asked of him. The lieutenant a participant in a prank against the colonel? It was like all of his wildest fever-dreams came true.

Riza smiled wider than she had in the past week.

"Do you think you would be able to spare me one of those water balloons?"

Ed's smile threatened to split his face.

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 **A/N: Written for a prompt I received on tumblr, Show me what's behind your back for Riza Hawkeye and the Elric Brothers. It was a lot of fun to write. Please review.**


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